Adding Insult to Injury

About a month ago I was in a serious car accident the same week I was let go from my job. My partner and children were in the car with me when we were hit head on by another vehicle traveling in our lane. Thankfully I was the only one in our vehicle with physical injuries. And unfortunately, those injuries were neck and spine related so the road to recovery is quite a long one.

There are some days when I absolutely hate this season I'm in right now. I've been active in sports and physical activities my entire life but I've never been seriously injured. Sure there's been a broken bone, a sprain or strain, but nothing that has left me with doctors orders to be completely still and do nothing. And right now I have far too much energy, anxiety, and fear to just be still.

Given that I now have an over abundance of time to think, the question of God's goodness and provision in my life keeps circling in my head. It's easy to say the words "God is good all the time" when things are normal. It's much more difficult to apply them personally when you are faced with unknown circumstances. For me it keeps coming back to the fact that I trust God with my past, but do I really trust Him with my future?

Do I trust that I will fully recover? Without surgery? Do I trust that I will have the ability to exercise again? Even extreme exercise programs (as I have been known to torture myself)? Or am I going to be forced to learn to like walking and water aerobics? Do I trust that God knows how much I enjoy and need exercise to be happy?

Back the truck up. What did I just type? Do I need exercise to be happy? If I'm being real, my answer is yes. I have developed a need to exercise for stress relief, "me" time, and overall better self-image. Is exercise bad? No. Is using it as a form of stress management bad? Also no. Is being healthy and fit a bad thing? Of course not!

For me, I am realizing that I've allowed an idol of control to creep into my life without recognizing it. It started off as something with good motives but over time developed into something more than what was originally intended. Isn't it funny how idols work like that? My perceived control over stress management, my self-image, and ultimately ME has been stripped away. And, truth be told, I didn't even realize it had such a grip until it was removed.

The truth is that God provides for me in the now. Whether I choose to accept it, He is giving me what I need at this time. Recognition of an idol to release, an opportunity to learn to trust Him just a little bit more - even when it's frustrating because I have lost my perceived control over the situation. What do I trust? That I am fully known by a God that is fully good in His nature, character, and all His actions. My victory in this journey will come from God's strength as I learn to act in dependence on Him.

Even if it means learning to like speed walking.

FINE! Just plain walking.

#controlidols